Surrender to Love

“We are called to surrender to love, not give in to the noise.”

Our arrival at Holy Hill didn’t go according to my plan.

It had been over a three-hour drive, and I underestimated the traffic leaving Chicago. The whole drive, my mind was flooded with worries that we wouldn’t make it in time for Mass. I had done all this research on drive times, even accounting for traffic, but that morning, I second-guessed myself. I trusted the Google Maps ETA on my phone and decided we had time to get coffee. Sure enough, we hit a standstill on the highway, and I watched our arrival time creep closer and closer to the start of Mass.

There was nothing I could do. I had to surrender.

I hate being late—especially for Mass. I know Mary feels the same way, and I didn’t want us pulling up late, especially not to a place called Holy Hill. And yes, it literally involved climbing a hill, in a hurry.

I sent Mary ahead. I needed a moment to recover from the trip. Things felt completely out of my control, but I tried to stay calm. She texted that Mass had started late, that there was an elevator, and to come in—even if it was late.

Once I settled down and read her message, I swallowed my pride and followed the signs. I snuck into the very back of the huge, packed church. I saw Mary way ahead of me but decided to stay put. I was just going to make the most of it—unprepared, not how I wanted it, but here nonetheless.

And almost immediately, I began to feel the peace of God’s way filling my time.
The place was absolutely stunning. I couldn’t stop looking around at the awe-inspiring art and architecture. The organ and the cantor were beautiful. I was so glad I didn’t let my pride keep me from this experience.

When the homily began, I was completely engaged. There were so many moments I wished I were sitting next to Mary—we would have been exchanging knowing glances at all the signs and encouraging words we were hearing. One particular line from the homily stayed with me:

“We are called to surrender to love, not give in to the noise."

How often do I cling to my own ideas, convinced they're the best way? Pride creeps in, convincing me that my way is the right way. But if it's my way, it can't be God's way. As soon as I insert myself into the equation, I’m no longer surrendering.

Surrender feels like failure — like giving up. It can feel like we’ve been thwarted or defeated. But with God, the only way to truly win is to give up — to give in to His love, His way.

Every day, we're given opportunities to practice this surrender. As a teacher, I constantly play the role of guide and mediator, helping students navigate their choices. I often have to hold them accountable, not out of control, but out of love. I've learned that unless I follow through with my expectations, they won't progress toward their learning goals — or our shared goals for the classroom.

This is especially challenging in a Montessori environment, where much of the day is self-directed. I often find myself balancing between gentle encouragement and firm boundaries — “You need to do this work now.” It’s a delicate balance, but also a life lesson: in life, we don’t always get to do whatever we want. We have responsibilities — chores, jobs, and tasks that are tedious, uncomfortable, even downright difficult.

It's my role to offer opportunities for students to navigate these challenges and to support them with feedback — or even consequences — when their choices negatively impact others or the community.

I don’t always love this job. It’s hard, exhausting, and can feel like I’m fighting a never-ending battle. But I do it because I love my job and I love my students. Even the ones who challenge me, the ones who seem like they will never surrender.

And yet, I often have to let them figure things out on their own. My words aren't always enough. They're not going to do something just because I told them to. But that’s the beauty of choice in a Montessori classroom — even when I wish we could just skip to the part where they trust me.

This, I think, is the closest I can come to understanding how God must feel.

All I want for my students is good. Everything I offer is to help them grow and flourish. Still, they resist. They push back. They don’t always see the bigger picture. And I find myself thinking, I wish you would just surrender and let me show you the way.

But God doesn’t force us either. He gives us free will — just as I give my students choice.

This perspective humbles me. No wonder surrender is so hard. I shouldn’t be so hard on myself. It’s human nature to crave independence, to believe we know better. But God still invites us to surrender. To surrender to His love. To choose His way.

Just as I love my students and only want the best for them, God is waiting patiently for me to stop listening to the noise — and to start listening to Him. He knows the way. And of course, His plan is better than mine.  

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” ~Proverbs 3:5-6